Leap Of Faith
"Oh... oh God," Abby moaned, slumping against her lover's chest in exhaustion.
Tony chuckled, brushing her silky black hair out of his face as he released the headboard and wrapped his arms around her. "Easy, easy..." he pleaded, gripping her back gently as she moved off of him. "Cramp... cramp..."
She giggled, flopping back against the pillows and pulling the sheet up to cover her chest.
"Fuck," he moaned, breathing heavily. "Fuckin'... you on top, that was... ah..." he chuckled again, closing his eyes as he relaxed against the pillows.
"So, what were you saying?" She asked, tickling his leg with her toes.
"What?"
"Earlier. Are you trying to say that women have it easier than men?"
He forced his eyes open and looked over at her, watching as she sprawled out on his bed. "Look, all I'm saying is that you guys - women - have one certain luxury that us men just don't have."
"Oh yeah?" She asked, closing her eyes briefly. "And what's that one luxury, might I ask?"
"Lemme catch my breath and I'm gonna tell you," he grinned, shifting his long body under the sheet and rolling over on top of her. "I'm gonna spell it out for you."
Abby smirked, stretching her arms above her head. "How do I know it's gonna be pure genius?"
He looked down at her momentarily, a devious smirk on his face as he leaned down to kiss her tenderly.
"No matter how I say this, I'm gonna be a fuckin' asshole, so I'm just gonna come out and say it, alright?"
"Sweet," Abby smirked, crinkling her nose at him playfully.
"The whole equality thing is crap."
"God, you've got a gift for delivery," she said sarcastically, cocking an eyebrow at him.
"It's bullshit. Listen, hear me out," he grinned when she pursed her lips tightly, determined to not say any more until he was finished. "All I'm sayin' is that you and I aren't equal. Sure, we both slave away at our jobs, just like each other, but there's a difference. The luxury... the one luxury that men do not have."
She studied him carefully as he hesitated. "And?"
"It's not okay for us to be dependent on someone else."
"What?"
"Just what I said. Look, you can work your ass off. You have the opportunity to go to college, get a degree, and get a job, just like me. But what I can't do is say 'fuck it' and choose to depend on someone else. Only women have that right. If I do it, I'm a bum, or a gigolo. You do it and you're a housewife. Or, even better, a domestic engineer. Give me a fuckin' break."
"You're right," Abby replied, an irritated tone to her voice.
"I know," he said cockily, flopping back against the pillows on his side of the large bed.
"You're a fuckin' asshole."
Tony chuckled as she sat up, pulling on one of his button up shirts and climbing out of the bed. "C'mon... where you going?"
"To flush down your demon seed," she muttered, walking into the ensuite. "You know, it's incredible to me how someone who appears so smart can be so fucking dumb."
"Yeah, well... you're just pissed because you know that I'm right," he groaned, moving to the end of the bed and rubbing his leg. "Fuckin' hamstring."
"Whatever."
"Tell me that it's not."
"I said whatever," she repeated, leaning over the sink to look in the mirror.
"Yeah, you know I'm right."
"Kiss my ass."
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he watched her. "Why is it we always get into these heated discussions right after we have sex?"
Abby leaned against the doorframe between the bedroom and the bathroom, smirking. "Maybe because I'm left unsatisfied and I need to take out my frustrations somewhere?"
"That's not what you were screamin' a couple of minutes ago," he pointed out, cocking an eyebrow at her as she re-entered the bedroom.
"Oh yeah? What was I screamin', big boy?"
"Oh, Tony, stop! Tony, stop! Oh, stop, Tony, please don't stop!" He cried, laughing out loud when she shoved his shoulder, making him fall back against the mattress. "Ow, you just hit me in the balls!"
"Good, you deserve it," she teased, heading down the hall for the kitchen. He followed after her, pulling on a pair of boxers and taking a seat at his small dining room table as she poured two glasses of wine.
"Sit down," he said, making an attempt to take one of the glasses from her when she pulled it away playfully only to set both of them on the table. "So--"
"So," she said, watching him from across the table as she sipped her wine.
"When do you think you're just gonna come out and say it?"
Abby cocked an eyebrow, twisting the glass in her hand. "Say what?"
"How deeply in love with me you are."
She couldn't help but chuckle, her green eyes sparkling with amusement. "In your dreams."
"Baby, it's alright. I know," he said, a cocky grin on his lips.
"Tony, could you be more full of yourself?"
"I could, I just choose to keep my arrogance toned down around women I'm giving the hot beef injection to."
"What are you, in third grade?" She chuckled, shaking her head.
"What? You don't like 'hot beef injection'? How about my 'one-eyed snake'? My 'Dodger dog'? My 'gigglestick'?"
She folded her hands under her chin primly and looked him over. "You're impossible."
"I'm cheap, and I'm easy. Tell all your friends."
"Do you ever stop?"
Tony drained his glass of wine and set it on the table, smirking at her. "I'll stop when you admit your everlasting love for me."
"Well, then you'd better get comfortable, Mr. Gigglestick."
"Oh... I'm good."
"Okay," she said, swirling the remaining wine in her glass casually as she looked down at it. "Good."
"Seriously, Abs," he hesitated, watching as she drank her wine. "I know that you have feelings for me."
She met his eyes, setting her glass aside. "Where is this coming from? I mean... I just thought we were having fun here. Isn't that what you say? We're friends who fuck?"
"I'm being serious. Why is that so hard for us?"
Her head dropped back and she glared at the ceiling briefly before releasing a sigh. "Because we're co-workers and friends, Tony. That's all we are, and that's all we'll ever be. Friends," she watched as he nodded, seeing some emotion flash behind his eyes momentarily. "I mean, look at us. We would never work. You're way too fast for me, and I'm way too demanding for you. Besides... I kinda like the way things are," she paused, looking at him through her long eyelashes. "Don't you?"
"I just thought..." he hesitated, wiping absently at a drop of wine that was on the table. "Nevermind."
"What?"
"Nothing, nevermind. You're right," he said, chuckling quietly. "You couldn't handle me anyway."
Abby snorted. "Excuse me? I believe I just 'handled' you three times, if I'm not mistaken."
"Is that what you call handling?"
"Yeah!" She said incrediously.
"'Cause I was takin' it easy on you. I've sent women to the chiropractor," he said, standing up and walking back down the hallway.
"God! If only your dick was as big as your ego."
Tony laughed, spinning around to walk backward for a few feet. "If it was, I wouldn't be able to walk around. And neither would you, for that matter," he said, climbing onto the bed and relaxing against the pillows. "Anyway, I don't hear you complainin'."
She hopped onto the end of the bed, kneeling near his feet. "That's 'cause you never shut up long enough for me to get a word in."
"Aww, you love my dick as much as you love me."
She couldn't help but giggle. "Sure. You know what I think?"
"Nope, but I'm pretty sure you're gonna tell me.
"I think you're the one who's in love with me, and you're just projecting," she said, cocking an eyebrow at him.
He laughed, lacing his hands together behind his head. "Oh yeah... that's it."
"No! I'm serious. you're trying to get me to admit loving you because you're too much of an insecure pussy to just come out and tell me how you feel!"
Tony sat up, leaning on his elbow. "Well, you've obviously put a lot of thought into this."
"Actually, no. It was just this brilliant realization that came to me."
"Are you saying that - given the extreme unlikelyhood that I have feelings for you - that if I were to make those known, you would then step up to the plate and acknowledge your undying love for me?"
"I'm not letting you off the hook like that."
"Like what?"
"It doesn't work like that, Tony," Abby explained, toying with the edge of the blanket. "Love isn't negotiable."
"Oh, baby..." he said, nudging her leg with his own. "Everything is negotiable."
"No, not love," she said firmly, looking into his hazel eyes. "Not love. Love is... a guessing game. And that's the beauty of it! There's no guarantees. It's like... diving into a pool of water without knowing if it's shallow or deep. And sure, if it's shallow, you end up hurt or paralyzed from the neck down, but if it's deep... you know?"
She watched him study her, a blank look on his face as he tried to process her words. "It's a leap of faith. It's like... it's like throwing yourself out there without a safety net! And that's what life's about," she sighed, thinking of a different analogy. "Okay. You know those carnival games, right? And you know how some of them are hard to win, and some are super easy?"
"Sure," he said quietly, keeping his eyes locked on hers as she spoke.
"It's... that's the difference between love and sex. Sex is the game where everyone wins a little prize and no one goes home a loser. And love is the game that's really hard to win. But... if you do, and you get to take home that life-size stuffed hippo, it feels a whole lot better than taking home some shitty little plastic keychain."
They stared at each other for a moment as if searching for something deeper when her head dropped, breaking eye contact with him as she felt the tears starting to prick at the backs of her eyes.
"Really?" Tony asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Yeah."
He released a heavy sigh before speaking. "You've got a fucked up way of explaining shit," he chuckled, missing the hurt look on her face as he slid underneath the sheets. "I mean... fuck."
She scoffed, covering her face with her hands for a moment when he looked back at her, tensing the moment she knew he had realized his mistake.
"Goodnight, Tony," she whispered, laying down next to him and pulling the sheets up to her chin.
"Goodnight," he managed, wishing he could take back what he had said to her.
Abby glanced over her shoulder at him when he got settled, frowning when his back was to her. Shifting slightly against her pillow, she closed her eyes and sighed quietly.
He reached back a moment later and placed a gentle hand on her hip, gripping the sheets that rested there before rolling over and wrapping his body around hers, draping his arm over her waist and burying his nose in the back of her neck.
"I love you," he whispered, kissing her ear gently.
"I love you, too."